bah!

so here i am, i just ate my heart out on a pizza with extra feta and i think i'm oblivious.
i'm having one of those days where it just seems like the things i try to get ahold of are just a tiny bit out of reach. like, tv remote out of reach.
i work 2 jobs and i feel like its getting me no where. i was supposed to have all this wedding stuff and housing stuff figured out before trevor got home, but the closer and closer it gets.. the more un planned it seems. and maybe its supposed to be that way. maybe i'm just realizing that its fun to dream plan, plan ideas, think of stuff.. but its no fun to really plan stuff all by yourself.
it kind of makes me miss my mom alot. my mom and i dont really talk that much, stuff got kind of wierd and i was really rude to her (really long story). i apologized a few weeks ago because i felt it was the right time. but sometimes this wedding stuff makes me miss my mom, cause shes great with ideas and planning and figuring out events. and sometimes trying to work with all these ideas just makes me feel more alone.
i'm the only one planning! and yeah even though people say "let me know what i can do to help".. thats all it kind of is.. they aren't really there to hear your every idea, or there to help you figure out what your idea even is!
i basically have the whole layout down that i want. and i've been through so many different ideas when i try to tell people i think its starting to annoy them.
i've also been having alot of stress at work too. including the pedofile customer, and trying to get gas after work and it exploded (not fire exploded, more like a geiser) on me. now i have to buy new shoes and i can't afford them til friday so i'm stuck wearing some blisterriffics. but i'm okay with that actually, lol. theyre cute :)then housing, i was supposed to have a place for me and trevor, but all my money is going toward bills and right now i dont even have the cash for my wedding photos! :(
i don't know whats wrong with me lately, all i feel like doing is crying! so i do! i cry myself to sleep, i cry when i wake up, i cry in the shower, and i hold back the tears in traffic on my way home! waah!

but sometimes when you toss a penny, is spin a little out of your reach, and when it finally lands you see that its heads up, and its your lucky day!
thats what i'm hoping for! i know that everything will work out the way its meant to be. i just hate stress, and i hate having to deal with stress. but i guess its these kind of moments that remind us why we work for what we do, and why we keep going. because eventually its not going to seem so stressful. tomorrow, things will be better!! and it will be better because i will make it better!

OK,  thats too much complaining for now! :)